apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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