did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize