Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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