You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
