I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
