yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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