Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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