so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
