the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
