so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
