The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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