He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
