she woke up with a sticky ear
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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