No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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