ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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