im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
