I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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