i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
