smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
