haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
