Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just had sex bonerless
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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