I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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