gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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