If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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