I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
