The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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