I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
