I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
