omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
