im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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