and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
did i just pee glitter
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
