I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
