Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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