i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
