We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
