I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
