**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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