I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
