ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
