i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
