woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
