I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
