At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
