Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
