why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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