He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
