Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
