hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
