Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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