It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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