She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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