Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
