there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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